I might get summers off, but I am paying for it NOW.
I have never had that naked dream that everyone has. You know what I mean -- you show up to school/work/public place and you look down and realize you have NO CLOTHES ON. And, peculiarly enough, nobody except you seems to notice.
Well, the other night, I had that dream.
I was at school -- teaching a class, 4th period to be exact -- and I looked down and realized that I was soooo naked. And I panicked. And then realized that two of my bosses were assessing me that day. The assistant principal was shaking his head and saying "I just don't know that she's going to make it."
The next part of the dream involved me scampering around the school desperately searching for clothes and then getting called into the principal's office for my mid-year evaluation.
Gee -- I wonder if I'm having anxiety about my job?
Here's the thing... I knew immediately what this dream meant, because when I dream there are always really strong emotions attached to my dreams. Clearly, I feel inadequate and am unsure of how I'm doing my job. I feel as if I am being watched, so as a result I feel "exposed." And I am so nervous about impressing my principal that I am worried about REALLY screwing up my evaluations.
I never imagined when I chose teaching as a profession that it would be this... well... hard. But it is. There is alot of stress and pressure, especially at my school which is a high-performing middle school with an arts academy. They put a ton of emphasis on the state tests (TAKS, which could possibly stand for Teacher Assessment based on their Kids' Skills rather than Texas Assessment of Knowledge & Skills). And this being (technically) my internship year means that my performance will determine if I am recommended for certification.
I am just so worried about screwing it up. And I never realized that every day I would question my skills and myself. I had always thought of teaching as an easy profession -- you get to do fun stuff like "play" school, interact with kids, and then of course you get 3 months off a year. Teaching, I thought, could not be that difficult.
I stand corrected.
Well, the other night, I had that dream.
I was at school -- teaching a class, 4th period to be exact -- and I looked down and realized that I was soooo naked. And I panicked. And then realized that two of my bosses were assessing me that day. The assistant principal was shaking his head and saying "I just don't know that she's going to make it."
The next part of the dream involved me scampering around the school desperately searching for clothes and then getting called into the principal's office for my mid-year evaluation.
Gee -- I wonder if I'm having anxiety about my job?
Here's the thing... I knew immediately what this dream meant, because when I dream there are always really strong emotions attached to my dreams. Clearly, I feel inadequate and am unsure of how I'm doing my job. I feel as if I am being watched, so as a result I feel "exposed." And I am so nervous about impressing my principal that I am worried about REALLY screwing up my evaluations.
I never imagined when I chose teaching as a profession that it would be this... well... hard. But it is. There is alot of stress and pressure, especially at my school which is a high-performing middle school with an arts academy. They put a ton of emphasis on the state tests (TAKS, which could possibly stand for Teacher Assessment based on their Kids' Skills rather than Texas Assessment of Knowledge & Skills). And this being (technically) my internship year means that my performance will determine if I am recommended for certification.
I am just so worried about screwing it up. And I never realized that every day I would question my skills and myself. I had always thought of teaching as an easy profession -- you get to do fun stuff like "play" school, interact with kids, and then of course you get 3 months off a year. Teaching, I thought, could not be that difficult.
I stand corrected.
posted by Julia | 1:06 PM
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