Solemn Things

Yesterday, my mom took me to see my dad's grave. I've been there before, of course, but ever since I moved to Dallas I've been meaning to swing by and give dad a big 'hello.' So we went - it's a beautiful cemetery in the center of the city, and it's huge. So huge, in fact, that we got lost. Twice.

After the initial turnaround, though, we found the spot and left the car. We didn't bring flowers; we meant to, it just didn't happen. I think it was enough to go and visit. We found my grandparents' grave, my uncle's, my great-grandparents', and finally, my dad's. They're all in the same area of the cemetery, and my dad's grave is next to a tree. My mom kneeled down in the grass, ran her hands over the plot to remove the leaves, and I asked her the same question I ask every time: "What flowers are those on the stone?" "Dogwood," she replied, and despite my best efforts I feel a lump in my throat. Engraved on the stone, underneath his name and years on earth, is an inscription. "Beloved husband and daddy. Love remains when all else has fallen."

I am not sure why, but every time I see those words it strikes a chord in my heart. I think, perhaps, it is because I know how much my mom must have loved my dad. What kid doesn't assume that? Every time we go and see my dad's grave, the thought crosses my mind: what if? What if he had never been diagnosed with cancer; what if we had never moved from Dallas; would I be the same person? But, above all, I think it touches me because I can now put myself in my mother's shoes. What my 11-year-old self couldn't understand, my 23-year-old self can now empathize, and it makes my heart constrict.

I cannot imagine ever losing my husband. He is my rock; my other half; he is my support and my love, and if he were ever taken away from me... I would be devastated. I think I would lose all sense of self. My mother and I, we aren't too different -- I have been with my husband since I was 16, and she was with my dad from the time she was 17. He passed away when she was only 29. No woman ever imagines having to bury her husband prematurely, or raising her children alone. And yet, my mother did both of these things.

Things happen -- bad things, good things, devastating things, funny things -- and yet, through it all, you still have the love. My mother's entire world had fallen around her, and yet, she was still on this earth. Her three children were still on this earth. And so she picked up the pieces, and moved on. She had to keep living, because her love still remained. For my father. For us. For herself.

And to this day, love remains in my family. I think my siblings, mom and I are so close because of what happened to us, not despite it. We know that bad things can happen, but we also know that life must somehow go on -- for the love. Love is extremely powerful. Love is the glue that holds us all together. "Love remains when all else has fallen."